If I say ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ is an American classic, most people would agree. That’s the level of popularity the book enjoys. But here’s a fun fact, the Dale Carnegie book was first released in 1936 – that’s eighty-five year’s ago! But the ideas presented in the book are as relevant today as they were eighty-five year’s ago, if not more.
So why is it so important to win friends and influence people? Because, no matter how talented we are, it’s only so far that we can go alone. Eventually, we hit an enormous wall that we cannot climb or break or circumvent alone. We need others to help us. As humbling as it sounds to some if us, that’s the truth. When we have other people supporting us, anything we’re trying to achieve becomes easier to achieve. And Carnegie talks about how to make that happen for each one of us. The book is replete with mind-blowing ideas on how to win friends and influence people, out of which five stood out to me as the most useful. Here they are:
- Call people by their names: It is extremely important to remember people’s names and call them by it to attract and hold their attention. The efficacy of this practice cannot be overestimated. Right since our early days of childhood, we’ve been conditioned to readily respond to our name. We can tell from our own experience that we perk up and take notice whenever we hear our name being spoken. Addressing someone by their name makes them like us instantly, builds rapport as well as trust, it also makes the interaction memorable and special for them.
- Know that you are not going to change people’s beliefs by arguing with them: This is so true. Have you ever had an argument with someone where they made you feel stupid and ignorant and by the end of it you were totally convinced they were right and decided to change your belief system for them? Well, me neither. On the contrary, in an argument,, when someone challenges our beliefs, making us feel like we’re imbeciles for believing what we believe, we’re most likely to be bitter towards them and avoid all kinds of interactions with them anytime in the future. It’s true for almost everyone. So when we are on the verge of having an argument with someone, we must back off a bit and remind ourselves to first find a common ground with them and understand where they are coming from when they say something you cannot agree with. When we get a sense of their belief system and what’s important to them, we understand the person better and are better equipped to have a meaningful conversation with them that doesn’t end in bitterness of any kind.
- Become interesting by getting interested: One thing to keep in mind while interacting with people is, it’s not about you – it’s about them. The fundamental truth about people in this day and age is that, they’re all a bit of a narcissist – they love talking about themselves! It is surprising to see how much people would talk if someone just let them. So, it while talking to someone, it is of utmost importance to let them do the talking. Ask them what they like, what’s important to them, what their values are, what they won’t compromise with at any cost. And listen – intently. It’s a great way to build trust and camaraderie by making someone feel like what they have to say is important.
The book by Dale Carnegie is a treasure trove of wisdom that never gets old. I’d rate the book a five out of a possible five.
Rummaging Ruminations 